Monthly Archives: August 2012

Magical Mind Emulsion


This morning I was reading a book. “Healing Alternatives for Beginners” by Kay Henrion. The whole second chapter I couldn’t stop thinking about one of my good friend. You see, he has been going through some deep, deep stuff lately emotionally. This has caused his previous medical problems such as severe Anxiety to become much more of a problem for him. The reason I couldn’t stop thinking about him while reading is the second chapter of the book, entitled ” You are special” is all about physical health being linked to emotional heath. See the author believes that our mind, soul, and body are all twisted together and cannot be separated, however she also believes that between the three the mind will always master the body. This made so much sense to me.

Example 1) My friend, insecure, already had problems with socialization & anxiety. He recently was removed from a loved one. I’m guessing he is feeling low self worth, abandonment, loneliness and hurt on top of it all. Because he is constantly focusing on all these bad things in his head, his body is following his mind and his aliments are worse.

Example 2) This was a rough winter for my kiddos. Both of them being in day care they were sick quite often with nasty little colds. I often would start to feel sick, but in my mind and often out loud to co-workers, I would say “I am not going to get sick, I just don’t have the time”, and you know what….I didn’t. My mind willed the sickness away.
The author talks a lot about loving yourself. She believes that if you really love yourself and believe in yourself, you can control your health and well being. Which makes complete sense. Pretty simple. If you love yourself enough to EXPECT that you deserve good things and good health (your spirit) you can think good things into existence (your mind) and then good health and things will come (your body). Isn’t that terribly interesting???

Right along with all that, I have to tell you all that I am SO in love with Aroma Therapy right now. I have for months kept a bottle of  Peppermint Oil at my desk. I use it to get rid of headaches, and it has never done me wrong. Plus, All my co-workers come by when they have headaches too, and again, the Peppermint Oil works like magic! After attending a short workshop two Sundays ago, I learned that I had been carrying around a little bottle of gold! Peppermint Oil is good for so many other things. Things like nausea, energy boosts,  muscle ache relief, cramps, coughs….and so much more. And, that is just one aroma therapy oil, there are tons out there! One or a combination of some for just about any ailment you could think of. I recently found out that Rose Oil helps with Anxiety and PTSD. I just want to learn EVERYTHING about it!!!

Anyhow, the proof is in the pudding, people. Your big ole’ brain really does control EVERYTHING your body does. So, I wish for all of you to love yourselves enough to believe that you deserve good health and all other good things the Universe has to offer you.  I wish for you to first and for most take care of your mind and soul….and then, you will inevitably have good health!



Blueprints for a Rainbow.


If you have been following my blogs, than by now how I feel about energy. For those of you that don’t know…

I believe that everything on earth has it’s own energy.

I believe that energy is transferable.

I believe that you can control your energy.

And, I believe that if you put out good energy into the universe, you will receive good energy back. (Kind of like a Karma thing)

I think I have been in this state of mind most of my adolescence and all my adult life. I pray every night for God to make me better tomorrow than I was today. I ask for God to help me be more patient, more kind, more generous, more compassionate, more productive, and more energetic than I was the day before. This is very important for me due to the fact that I am very blessed. Sure, I have troubles & worries, but every one does. In the grand scheme of things, when it comes down to the most important things in life….I am incredibly blessed. I feel very strongly that it is my engagement with the Universe to give back.

So your can easily see why I have been having a hard time dealing with the fact that I put out so much good energy but often attract negative energy. This dilemma has been really bouncing around the walls of my head and been weighing heavy on my heart. How could this happen? Was I wrong my whole life? Does everything just happen by chance of luck? It was all too much and making my quite blue….

But…. then, like many ” circumstantial ” things in my life, something happened, and suddenly everything made sense again. Last week two good friends of mine (unrelated) where going through some very heavy stuff. I was lucky enough for both of them, individually, to come to me with these hardships they were facing. I had great advise. I stayed involved….and I feel impacted them both. It was then that I realized: Every hardship I have endured during my short 30 years, was all so that I could do what I was designed to do. Which is to help others. Drudging through all the shit in my life, enduring all the mental & physical torture was all a blue print. Involving compassion toward mankind, creative problem solving, and a sympathetic heart that feels others pain.  A blue print to a design of a person that was made to help others.

And you know what…..I’m okay with that. Everything is right in the world, if you just see the other side of your understanding.

Wear your Inner FREAK.


In the wise words of Miss Macy Gray:

“Everybody shake it.
Time to be free amongst yourselves.
Your mama told you to be discreet and keep your freak to yourself.
But your mama lied to you all this time,she knows as well as you and I,
you’ve got to express what is taboo in you and share your freak with the rest of us,
cause it’s a beautiful thang.”

I couldn’t tell you if it is just a step in the recovery process or if it is just that with a clear mind, these days, I am more in tune with myself, but either way: I am completely comfortable wearing my inner freak on the outside.

I feel like maybe my whole life but a lot very recently my outer appearance has been a hot topic for those around me. Here, let me put this into perspective for you…About a year ago, my Mom sat down with my on our front porch as we shared a smoke. She proceeded to tell me things along the lines of: I’m really happy that you are so comfortable with yourself. I love all your creativity, ect, ect… The followed with: I’m really concerned about you. I think it’s okay to be yourself, but….I worry that you think to far outside the box. I think I wrote about this before. But HEY, don’t be sitting there judging my Mama, right now. She totally means well, but I think she feels very strongly that if I just “looked” normal, I would be further along in life….

Maybe that is true? Maybe it is not? But I am happy looking exactly the way I do. MOM… do you hear me? I am HAPPY. I can’t help if I feel like a NATURAL purple head. I like mis-matching clothes. I adorn my body with jewelery that I find beautiful. I paint with ink on my big empty canvas. I am comfortable in jeans, a tee, and some chucks. None of this makes one bit of difference about who I am inside, and if someone can’t get past the outside…..Well, their loss! My outer self only matches my inner self. Loud, colorful, bold, fun, welcoming, warm. The bottom line is I am not Vanilla, and to try to appear Vanilla would only damage my self-esteem, health, and happiness.

So, you get a craving for some ice cream. On the drive there you start thinking of all the different flavors you fancy. Your mouth is watering and your head is spinning….which flavor will you choose?? Then you walk in and see forty, full to the top, tubs of Vanilla ice cream. Agghhh….. YOU HAVE A RIGHT TO ENJOY DIFFERENT FLAVORS! This is America!

Here is the topic point. From fear of judgement, conditioning to think we are supposed to look a certain way, or maybe even trying to appear to be someone else, we as a society have been taught to hide our true selves. We have been taught to be discreet. To fly under the radar. We are taught that standing out makes you a target. It is high time people, that we stopped being scared to show the world out true selves. Stopped being scared of NOT looking vanilla. Stopped trying to look like everyone else.

Express what is taboo in you, and share your freak with the rest of us. Because it’s a beautiful thing. Be the yummy, special flavor someone is craving. Give the world options. Be YOU-nique. At the very least, I urge you to TRY, and rock one thing you have been scared to try!!! Figure out who you really are and puke it out all over the world!

We all have an inner freak. A crazy, beautiful, perfectly imperfect inner freak.

All of us.


Just a Stupid Girl.


There are many things I would consider myself good at. Many things I know about. Some that know me, may even call me wise, but when it comes to matters of the heart: mars/ Venus relations….I am nothing more than just a stupid girl.

I recently wrote a blog called “The Invisible Man plan” talking about how I had created a relationship with a dating website called Plenty of Fish. As if that realization wasn’t hard enough on my ego, there was a another, even more damaging realization ahead.

See, to be completely honest with you I could almost consider myself a promiscuous woman. It’s not that I go out looking for one night stands or sleep around with people I don’t know, or anything of that nature. It’s not at all that I’m looking for that two minutes of pleasure, or whatever, or that I just give in easily. After careful consideration I can confidently say the underlined reason is always that I am searching for this act of intimacy to blossom into a real relationship. Seeking the one. Opening my heart. Wanting to nurture. Hold hands, grow old. This people, is exactly what makes me just a stupid girl.

Over the weekend, I was in a situation, a very uncomfortable situation I might add. I am not going into details, but the end result left me feeling very worthless. At first I was angry. I then remembered some advise I had very recently given to a good friend. I told him ” There is reason to get upset over things you can’t control. You cannot control another’s actions or feelings. You can only control how you react to them.”

God, Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change. The courage to change the things I can. And the wisdom to know the difference.”

My anger was  easily put to rest. I thought about this a lot. The first thing that brought comfort was giving up that control. I do not have control over how a man treats me. It is not my fault, and there is nothing I can do to change how that person feels about me. But more importantly, What I do have control over is not putting myself in that situation. Ever again. I’m sick of being a love sick, puppy eyed, stupid girl. I will not be anyone secret. I will not be anyone’s “special friend”. I just want to be one man’s ONLY girl, his forever girl.

So with all this power and control I have recently found… I have deleted my cyber boyfriend “Plenty of fish“. I have cut off all “special” friends, and I have put into effect again, “the 30 day rule” (For those of you who don’t know about this, it’s just like an employer, 30 days of hard work before you get any benefits). YAY! It’s been sort of lonely since I started all this change, but I would MUCH rather be lonely than hurt, and that is something that I have control over.

And having CONTROL feels really, really good!