We like someone because, we love someone although.
–Henri de Montherlant
Families are like scissors. They are joined in the middle but often spread wide apart, moving away from each other. When we’re not feeling close to other family members – when it’s hard even to like them – it seems as though we’ll never come together again.
But pity the scrap of paper that comes between our scissor blades! The scissors works together again and slices the trouble clean. When trouble threatens our family, we can slice it through if we move together in love and acceptance.
No matter our small differences, we are part of the same living organism, in a way. The family we live in has been together for many generations, and we are just the most recent members. When we look at one another, we see the products of centuries of love.
When I feel distant from my family, can I locate where we are still joined together?
Isn’t that so true? No matter what happens within families, no matter argument or action: more times than not we eventually are able to forgive and pull back together. I have been seeing this a lot in my life more recently.
Sometimes my brother and I fight, not like bicker about little things but full blown screaming matching filled with unforgettable word daggers. Every time this happens I always tell myself that I’m sick of feeling hurt. That he really doesn’t care or love me and I should cut off all ties. But, even though these thoughts occasionally linger in my heart, within a few days we are right back where we started. No matter our differences of opinion, how we choose to live life, or how we show affection: he is and always will be my brother, and somehow the fact that he can’t change that… is comforting to me.
My father wasn’t around much growing up. Randomly he would pop up but just as fast as he came, he was gone again. I don’t think I ever felt too much anger or resentment toward him, however I just didn’t want much to do with him I eventually became conditioned to just not feel anything in regards to him. Today he and his lovely new wife are coming to visit us, for the second time. While I will never forget my Father’s absence or false hope, I harbor no ill will and look forward to the future because he is and always will be my Dad.
These are just examples of blades split apart for my family scissors, but the bolt or joint in the scissors has always been my Mom. I say this for a couple reasons. In one way she’s the joint because through all the f’d up stuff I’ve been through she has always, always been there to ground me. She’s always been right there to catch me when I fall and she’s always been such a good best friend to keep us connected. In a whole different way my Mom is the joint in our family scissors because the way she chose to raise me, the examples she set for me gave me the ability to easily love unconditionally. She taught me how to forgive and move forward. She raised me to be a good, kind, caring person and all that ultimately gives me the tools I need to connect to all my other family. Because of the person she taught me to be soon I will be able the be the joint. I’ll be the one who holds everyone together.
I wrote a blog awhile back called “A simple recipe for happiness” within that blog I talk about Worshiping your support system. Well remember this: Even if at this very moment you and your brother are not speaking and haven’t in a year…He is still your brother and if you can find the place where you once met, he will in the future be your support system.
Friends and lovers will come and go, but blood is blood. I challenge you to think about your family (your support system) and find the place where you once met. It’s worth it!!!