Cleaning YOUR House!

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“ALL GOLD MUST GO THREW FIRE TO BECOME PURE.”

Last night I went to an AA meeting, as I do every Wednesday where my sponsor invited me to participate in a first step meeting, which I hadn’t done in quite some time. For those who have never been associated with AA or NA, ect, a first step meeting happens when there is a brand new person who is attending their very first AA meeting ever. If it is a female, then several women will volunteer to take the newcomer out and share their struggles, strength, and new hope.  So, that is what I did. There were about 6 or 7 of us, including the new one. Basically what happens is we all sit in a circle, someone will start speaking. They may start with when they took their first drink and continue on to how they ended up. They may talk about consequences they suffered in their addiction. Friends or family they lost and other things of that nature. Then they will talk about the moment when something finally clicked. They got help, and they will talk about where they are today and the program and people that helped them, or are helping them. These first step meetings are very interesting because you have women at all ages and all at different stages of sobriety and recovery. I think in all the different courses of action regarding my recovery, soaking in other women’s stories, has been one of the most beneficial to me. Anyhow, although I did listen to what all of them had to say…my head was spinning with one main thought. I was just so amazed at the incredible transformation these women are making, and already have made.

These people in recovery, they are no different than any of us. Most people that I know want to change or transform themselves in some aspect. These people who succeed in recovery though…they are HUNGRY! I want more than anything to make these positive changes to make their lives better and will stop at NOTHING to get what they want.  Anyone can do this. You don’t need an addiction, or a group meeting. All you need is to know what you want to change about your life. And you need to find that hunger that aches in your belly, constantly reminding you to drive yourself at all cost to get what you want. To know that nothing is too great of cost or too big of task for you to overcome, because you’ll be getting where you want to be.

What or where do you want to be???

I think everything that happens to us negatively, is like a sloppy coat of grey paint just thrown over us from head to toe. This starts at an early age. Every negative comment, lack of attention, every heart ache, every illness, every fear just another coat of dull grey paint. We accumulate so many layers that we start to dry out and slow down, maybe even dry to the place where we stand, enabling us to move forward. These thick, disgusting, dull layers start to form an outer mold of the people are. We see this self image and slowly become that mold. But, we don’t have to….

Each and every single person has the power to transform ourselves into what we want or are supposed to be. I think for me transformation began when I started to take a good long look at my flaws. Not so to beat myself up about, but more to explore. What are my flaws? What caused them? Why did I do them? And, most importantly what could I do to start correcting them. Flaws are God given, but we do not have to act on them. By even starting to get up close and personal with your flaws, accepting them, embracing them, you are already starting to reclaim power, because we are not our flaws! The flaws are merely a product of the paint layers, and we can shed them. Just do not be afraid of the shiny self underneath. Do not be afraid of change or success. Just dig your nails deep within the walls of dull, lifeless paint and start to peel it off.

Peel away all the self doubt you have. Peel off the insults. Tear down the feelings of worthlessness, shame, guilt, the frustration, embarrassment. Dig into the feelings of abandonment and rip it off! And when you are starting to make progress, dig in deeper and shred off all the anger, the loneliness, and hurt. After all this work, you may feel sweaty and exhausted, but….if you honestly do all the above and take a good, deep look at what’s left: You will find the real you. You will find the body that was meant to match your soul. The honest you. The shiny you. The you that is open to new challenges and welcomes change. You will have transformed into something real and beautiful.

Here’s the catch. The ONLY person who can give this amazing gift of transformation to you….is you. This means that you have to lay down ALL your excuses. You have to take action and be responsible for following through with it. You will have to give up all the whining and woe is me B.S. and actually do something….

But I want you to know that I have complete faith in you. Why wouldn’t you want to transform into something FREE? Go out there…Get Shiny. Get to know the real you and fall in love with yourself!

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Non-Psycho Babble…

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This crazy road to self discovery, I have to admit, started kind of slow. Trying to figure out what it is that I like. What I enjoy doing when I have time to myself. Picking up little hobbies here and there, like growing butterflies, or learning archery
That has ALL changed. Creative desires for learning new things are now coursing threw my veins, faster than I can retain them.  The problem is that resources and time are not on my side. So, I have decided that today  am going to list out all the things I am currently interested in learning about, that way when I do have the time and the resources I can use this blog as a check list.

1st thing I am super into right now: Aromatherapy. This I believe is my true calling in life. This is something I have just recently became interested in, but honestly feel I could NEVER learn everything about. Aromatherapy is maybe the most awesome thing. So far I have only played around with Peppermint and Rose oil. Both seem to be a complete success. I have also started printing off course material about it and reading as much as I can! Seriously, I don’t know how anyone would not be terribly interested in Aromatherapy?  There is seriously an oil or a mixture of oils for any condition, ailment or mood you could possibly think of, with NO side effects! Seriously…how awesome is that? I always knew I was meant to help people…maybe just maybe this is my calling?

2nd thing I am getting into: Henna! I went to this Mind, Body, Spirit expo a few weeks ago. I took a class on Henna. The speaker spoke about different Henna designs, what the placement of them meant, different rituals with Henna, and I was completely fascinated.  She said that wearing Henna on the palms of your hands, pleased the God’s and that when you wear Henna on your palms that all your prayers will be answered. That day, I had her do some Henna on my palm. Not only did it look super interesting, but the following Tuesday, I found the perfect car, and bought it, started dating the car sales man, who turns out to be a dream come true AND a perfect gentleman, and also my court case is winding down! Now, I’m not saying this was all because of the Henna on my palm but what if it was?? Plus it’s another form of body modification..and you know how I love that!

3rd thing. Growing Henna plants. So I did a little investigating and learned that the Henna dye for your skins comes from Henna plants. I also learned that I buy a packet of henna seeds for like 4 dollars. You grow the Henna plants pick off the leaves, mash them up then after a few days of some plant chemical process, the dye starts being released at which point will dye the skin. I thought this process would be much more fun and a lot cheaper than buying Henna dye pre-manufactured. Also will researching all this I saw that a lot of people sell bottles of natural Henna on Ebay, so this may be a way to make extra income?

I think maybe I’m just super interested in alternative medicine all together. Yoga, hypo-therapy, pressure points, sweat lodges, acupuncture…. it is all so terribly interesting! I just want to know EVERY thing about it!!!!

Aww… so EXCITED!

 

Magical Mind Emulsion

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This morning I was reading a book. “Healing Alternatives for Beginners” by Kay Henrion. The whole second chapter I couldn’t stop thinking about one of my good friend. You see, he has been going through some deep, deep stuff lately emotionally. This has caused his previous medical problems such as severe Anxiety to become much more of a problem for him. The reason I couldn’t stop thinking about him while reading is the second chapter of the book, entitled ” You are special” is all about physical health being linked to emotional heath. See the author believes that our mind, soul, and body are all twisted together and cannot be separated, however she also believes that between the three the mind will always master the body. This made so much sense to me.

Example 1) My friend, insecure, already had problems with socialization & anxiety. He recently was removed from a loved one. I’m guessing he is feeling low self worth, abandonment, loneliness and hurt on top of it all. Because he is constantly focusing on all these bad things in his head, his body is following his mind and his aliments are worse.

Example 2) This was a rough winter for my kiddos. Both of them being in day care they were sick quite often with nasty little colds. I often would start to feel sick, but in my mind and often out loud to co-workers, I would say “I am not going to get sick, I just don’t have the time”, and you know what….I didn’t. My mind willed the sickness away.
The author talks a lot about loving yourself. She believes that if you really love yourself and believe in yourself, you can control your health and well being. Which makes complete sense. Pretty simple. If you love yourself enough to EXPECT that you deserve good things and good health (your spirit) you can think good things into existence (your mind) and then good health and things will come (your body). Isn’t that terribly interesting???

Right along with all that, I have to tell you all that I am SO in love with Aroma Therapy right now. I have for months kept a bottle of  Peppermint Oil at my desk. I use it to get rid of headaches, and it has never done me wrong. Plus, All my co-workers come by when they have headaches too, and again, the Peppermint Oil works like magic! After attending a short workshop two Sundays ago, I learned that I had been carrying around a little bottle of gold! Peppermint Oil is good for so many other things. Things like nausea, energy boosts,  muscle ache relief, cramps, coughs….and so much more. And, that is just one aroma therapy oil, there are tons out there! One or a combination of some for just about any ailment you could think of. I recently found out that Rose Oil helps with Anxiety and PTSD. I just want to learn EVERYTHING about it!!!

Anyhow, the proof is in the pudding, people. Your big ole’ brain really does control EVERYTHING your body does. So, I wish for all of you to love yourselves enough to believe that you deserve good health and all other good things the Universe has to offer you.  I wish for you to first and for most take care of your mind and soul….and then, you will inevitably have good health!

 

Blueprints for a Rainbow.

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If you have been following my blogs, than by now how I feel about energy. For those of you that don’t know…

I believe that everything on earth has it’s own energy.

I believe that energy is transferable.

I believe that you can control your energy.

And, I believe that if you put out good energy into the universe, you will receive good energy back. (Kind of like a Karma thing)

I think I have been in this state of mind most of my adolescence and all my adult life. I pray every night for God to make me better tomorrow than I was today. I ask for God to help me be more patient, more kind, more generous, more compassionate, more productive, and more energetic than I was the day before. This is very important for me due to the fact that I am very blessed. Sure, I have troubles & worries, but every one does. In the grand scheme of things, when it comes down to the most important things in life….I am incredibly blessed. I feel very strongly that it is my engagement with the Universe to give back.

So your can easily see why I have been having a hard time dealing with the fact that I put out so much good energy but often attract negative energy. This dilemma has been really bouncing around the walls of my head and been weighing heavy on my heart. How could this happen? Was I wrong my whole life? Does everything just happen by chance of luck? It was all too much and making my quite blue….

But…. then, like many ” circumstantial ” things in my life, something happened, and suddenly everything made sense again. Last week two good friends of mine (unrelated) where going through some very heavy stuff. I was lucky enough for both of them, individually, to come to me with these hardships they were facing. I had great advise. I stayed involved….and I feel impacted them both. It was then that I realized: Every hardship I have endured during my short 30 years, was all so that I could do what I was designed to do. Which is to help others. Drudging through all the shit in my life, enduring all the mental & physical torture was all a blue print. Involving compassion toward mankind, creative problem solving, and a sympathetic heart that feels others pain.  A blue print to a design of a person that was made to help others.

And you know what…..I’m okay with that. Everything is right in the world, if you just see the other side of your understanding.

Wear your Inner FREAK.

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In the wise words of Miss Macy Gray:

“Everybody shake it.
Time to be free amongst yourselves.
Your mama told you to be discreet and keep your freak to yourself.
But your mama lied to you all this time,she knows as well as you and I,
you’ve got to express what is taboo in you and share your freak with the rest of us,
cause it’s a beautiful thang.”

I couldn’t tell you if it is just a step in the recovery process or if it is just that with a clear mind, these days, I am more in tune with myself, but either way: I am completely comfortable wearing my inner freak on the outside.

I feel like maybe my whole life but a lot very recently my outer appearance has been a hot topic for those around me. Here, let me put this into perspective for you…About a year ago, my Mom sat down with my on our front porch as we shared a smoke. She proceeded to tell me things along the lines of: I’m really happy that you are so comfortable with yourself. I love all your creativity, ect, ect… The followed with: I’m really concerned about you. I think it’s okay to be yourself, but….I worry that you think to far outside the box. I think I wrote about this before. But HEY, don’t be sitting there judging my Mama, right now. She totally means well, but I think she feels very strongly that if I just “looked” normal, I would be further along in life….

Maybe that is true? Maybe it is not? But I am happy looking exactly the way I do. MOM… do you hear me? I am HAPPY. I can’t help if I feel like a NATURAL purple head. I like mis-matching clothes. I adorn my body with jewelery that I find beautiful. I paint with ink on my big empty canvas. I am comfortable in jeans, a tee, and some chucks. None of this makes one bit of difference about who I am inside, and if someone can’t get past the outside…..Well, their loss! My outer self only matches my inner self. Loud, colorful, bold, fun, welcoming, warm. The bottom line is I am not Vanilla, and to try to appear Vanilla would only damage my self-esteem, health, and happiness.

So, you get a craving for some ice cream. On the drive there you start thinking of all the different flavors you fancy. Your mouth is watering and your head is spinning….which flavor will you choose?? Then you walk in and see forty, full to the top, tubs of Vanilla ice cream. Agghhh….. YOU HAVE A RIGHT TO ENJOY DIFFERENT FLAVORS! This is America!

Here is the topic point. From fear of judgement, conditioning to think we are supposed to look a certain way, or maybe even trying to appear to be someone else, we as a society have been taught to hide our true selves. We have been taught to be discreet. To fly under the radar. We are taught that standing out makes you a target. It is high time people, that we stopped being scared to show the world out true selves. Stopped being scared of NOT looking vanilla. Stopped trying to look like everyone else.

Express what is taboo in you, and share your freak with the rest of us. Because it’s a beautiful thing. Be the yummy, special flavor someone is craving. Give the world options. Be YOU-nique. At the very least, I urge you to TRY, and rock one thing you have been scared to try!!! Figure out who you really are and puke it out all over the world!

We all have an inner freak. A crazy, beautiful, perfectly imperfect inner freak.

All of us.

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Just a Stupid Girl.

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There are many things I would consider myself good at. Many things I know about. Some that know me, may even call me wise, but when it comes to matters of the heart: mars/ Venus relations….I am nothing more than just a stupid girl.

I recently wrote a blog called “The Invisible Man plan” talking about how I had created a relationship with a dating website called Plenty of Fish. As if that realization wasn’t hard enough on my ego, there was a another, even more damaging realization ahead.

See, to be completely honest with you I could almost consider myself a promiscuous woman. It’s not that I go out looking for one night stands or sleep around with people I don’t know, or anything of that nature. It’s not at all that I’m looking for that two minutes of pleasure, or whatever, or that I just give in easily. After careful consideration I can confidently say the underlined reason is always that I am searching for this act of intimacy to blossom into a real relationship. Seeking the one. Opening my heart. Wanting to nurture. Hold hands, grow old. This people, is exactly what makes me just a stupid girl.

Over the weekend, I was in a situation, a very uncomfortable situation I might add. I am not going into details, but the end result left me feeling very worthless. At first I was angry. I then remembered some advise I had very recently given to a good friend. I told him ” There is reason to get upset over things you can’t control. You cannot control another’s actions or feelings. You can only control how you react to them.”

God, Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change. The courage to change the things I can. And the wisdom to know the difference.”

My anger was  easily put to rest. I thought about this a lot. The first thing that brought comfort was giving up that control. I do not have control over how a man treats me. It is not my fault, and there is nothing I can do to change how that person feels about me. But more importantly, What I do have control over is not putting myself in that situation. Ever again. I’m sick of being a love sick, puppy eyed, stupid girl. I will not be anyone secret. I will not be anyone’s “special friend”. I just want to be one man’s ONLY girl, his forever girl.

So with all this power and control I have recently found… I have deleted my cyber boyfriend “Plenty of fish“. I have cut off all “special” friends, and I have put into effect again, “the 30 day rule” (For those of you who don’t know about this, it’s just like an employer, 30 days of hard work before you get any benefits). YAY! It’s been sort of lonely since I started all this change, but I would MUCH rather be lonely than hurt, and that is something that I have control over.

And having CONTROL feels really, really good!

 

Share your Junk, Change the World.

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I recently saw a picture of an older couple. They were holding hands and walking. The woman said to her husband “I can’t believe we have made it through sixty-five years together”. The husband said to the wife “That’s because in out time, when things were broke, we fixed them”. This really spoke to me because I found it relate-able in my own life. My generation, (and I’m sorry folks, but it’s true) are such wasteful, lazy people. That’s why most of us are thirty, thirty five and living at home! In our grandparents time, I’m pretty sure it was like ” Happy birthday, your eighteen, now get out!” I think this was in love, because they knew they did a good job preparing you to live your life.  Now, maybe our parents coddled us a bit to much, but come people we are our own people, capable of making our own destiny.  I think the reason why we fail is because 1) our generation is lazy & greedy. We expect every thing to be given to us or just fall off in our laps, which ultimately gets us nowhere. 2) Just like my picture reference, our generation feels that when things are broken, get a new one. This is the main reason the age for marriage is getting higher and higher, and…..a lot of us still live at our parents!

Okay I’m done ranting, this blog is actually not about all that,this blog is about something that is happening, kind of under ground that I think has massive hope to change some things for us! I first noticed, a very long time ago, that Craigslist.org had a “FREE” section. I have used this many times. People make a free post to get rid of something they want gone like, couches, clothes, paint, whatever, then people can read the posts and if they see something that they need, they respond, set up a meeting time and remove the item.  Then I found Freecycle.org. This site is a little more complicated to sign up for but totally worth it. This one is a community based site, and works through emails, and chat rooms. Same idea though: if someone needs something they would make a post under “wanted”. If they want to get rid of something “offer”.

This is such a fantastically phenomenal concept. Come on people, we are in poverty & we love to throw stuff away. Think about the impact it would make? First of all, instead of gathering all kinds of junk in your house to wait for trash day, you can have someone come to you right away and remove it…free of charge! You gotta love that. On the better part, this is such a cool thing for people that need something but are broke. It is such a mutually beneficial exchange.

If you’ve tried this or if you try it soon, I urge you to share your experience with EVERYONE. I really believe that this concept could help masses of people…And sharing is caring! It will make you feel really good on the inside.

And, I’d like to add this. I also tried this kind of thing using Facebook. I put a post up telling people that I had a business idea but I needed a home PC, so if anyone had an old one lying around, I’d greatly appreciate it. I got a response from a boy, that I wasn’t quite sure how we were friends. It turns out he was a friend and co-worker of my little brother. This kid reached out and is building me a computer as we speak! Thank you Danny Ortiz! You are so kind. People take a page from Danny’s book.

We can make a difference! Just do it!

Sharing is Caring

Sharing is Caring

Sharing is Caring

Wash your Attitude!

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This is one of my core beliefs… If you want to change your life: the best place to start is with your attitude. Seems simple enough, I think.

“Don’t sweat he small stuff. It’s all small stuff.” ~Zig Ziglar

Within all my struggles: lost love, the addiction, abuse it would have been very easy for me to slip into the whole whoa is me, why is this happening to me attitude, but the thing with that is when you have that attitude then everything that happens is happening directly to or toward you.  People often ask me how I stay so happy knowing the challenges I am facing. Which is hard for me to understand, because I don’t know any different, I guess it’s all due to my attitude. A positive outlook and good attitude are really the only things necessary for one to be happy, because ultimately no matter what happens to you: if you are able to maintain that attitude, nothing is really that big of a deal! At least that’s how I feel about it. For me, maintaining a positive attitude makes my life so much easier. I have very little stress, I am very hard to shake up and you know what else: My life is pretty fun!

Here are some ways that you can WASH YOUR ATTITUDE:

  • Stop focusing on yourself. A lot of pessimism arises from false or unreasonable expectations, especially when those expectations involve yourself. Plus when you help others, you help yourself! Make an effort to reach out and help at least 1 person every day without expecting anything in return. Over time, you may find more joy in giving rather than receiving.
  • Face your flaws.  (Scary… I know, but look at it more as an adventure) We all have something upon which we can improve, so whether you’re at work, at home, or anywhere else, be open to learning more.Make a list of all your weaknesses and flaws. At the beginning of every week, take one of those listed flaws and think about what you could learn concerning that weakness. Use the remainder of the week to learn even more.
  • Look on the bright side. In every undesirable circumstance, there is always a way to look on the brighter side. This isn’t to say that you should live your life dishonestly, always ignoring the bad in favor of a fake smile. Instead, accept the bad things but also think about how much worse it could have been. For example, maybe you just got into a car accident and need to pay a lot of money for reparations and medical bills. One way to look on the bright side is to be grateful that you are still alive without permanent damage to your body or your brain.
  • Count your blessings. I’ve blogged about this before: Remember : Count your blessings fight your Jabbawaocky! Post up a blank sheet of paper on your wall, or use a journal. Every morning, as soon as you’ve woken up, think of one blessing in your life that hasn’t already been written on the paper and write it down. Counting your blessings will help you see that your life isn’t all doom and gloom, that you have reasons to be happy and joyful.

Like I said… Pretty simple stuff. It’s not like I’m asking you to do brain surgery?? Just give it a try…I’m betting you’ll surprise yourself, and if all else fails and you get into a sticky situation, just remember: WWHD! What would Heather do?

Don’t wait too long to learn what I’ve learned. Wash your attitude right now. Change it this minute. You’d be surprised how much you really can change the world just by changing your attitude. Washing your attitude can change your life. Changing your life can change the lives of those around you. Changing the lives of those around you can, ultimately, change the world. When you hear about changing the world, don’t sit back and say you can’t do anything. There is one thing you can do every single day that will make the world a better place: Wash your attitude.

 

Invisible man Invisible plan.

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So, We’ve talked about it before….my online dating. Keeping that in mind, this is a typical nightly routine for me. After I have got the baby to bed, dishes washed, and what ever else: I get in bed, turn on my cartoons, and jump on POF (Plenty Of Fish) I read and respond to messages, and occasionally scroll thru men that are online.

Rarely but occasionally I’ll get a message from someone who interest me, the scrolling mostly consist of: No. No. No. No. Oh hell No. When I do find someone that I find appealing, we start first by sending messages thru the online site for awhile. If things progress, we’ll move to texting. If things are still good after a week or so, maybe we will talk on the phone. That’s usually where it ends, if it makes it till then.. because well, let’s face it: Everyone on that site, in my experience, are freaks!

Anyhow, my point is this. In a normal relationship, you’d come home home, chit chat and enjoy each others company. This, I believe, makes people feel a sense being wanted, desired or whatever. All the same things I seek from POF.

I noticed lately how routine it is for me to get on there. Like it’s my boyfriend. I go there looking for companionship, flattery, and entertainment, but ultimately it’s kind of like never never land. I mean, it doesn’t really exist. The relationships you build with people there are fake and it’s a false sense of security. When I got to thinking about it, I was really kind of disgusted with myself. I’m outgoing. I’m fun. People seem to like me and yet here I was having a relationship with a website! Ugghh! I feel so dirty!

The question is……Is having a relationship with a website better than no relationship at all???

 

Nine leaves

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Stuck in a rut

In a hamster ball

The faster I run

The harder the fall

Spinning & spinning

Going nowhere at all

Praying to move

No one answers the call

Hello…

Are you there….

I’ve been doing my best

It’s been long past a trial

Long passed a test

I have the potential

Like a spread wildfire

Just let me move forward

It’s what I desire

(The preface) Many times in my life, more recently, most heavily, I have wondered WHY bad things are drawn to me, when I put out so much good energy? Especially since I’m a huge believer in energy and karma and such things. Love just won’t stick to me, and I often feel as though something is weighing me to the ground. Something not allowing me to move forward in life…..

So, I have always wanted to go see a psychic, and since I’m exploring life more these days, I did it. I made an appointment to get a Tarot reading. It was a nice little older lady, whom I was instantly drawn to. When she started reading the cards, I was really impressed (my brother thinks I’m just a chump). She started off impressing me when she said ” I see that in your own life, you are always there to help anyone in need, but often times in your life when you need help, the people you expect to be there are not. This has conditioned you to never ask anyone for help. You would rather go without than to ask for help” Which is spot on!!! Then she told me she saw drug abuse in my past, and mental/ physical abuse.  At this point, I was feeling like I completely trusted her and she was really doing something with those cards (my brother says they are trained to read people, and she could tell all that stuff by my appearance) but I was all in. Then all the sudden she stopped looking at the cards, took a deep breath, turned to me and said

” This is not part of your card reading but I feel I have an obligation to tell you, I sense something dark attached to you. I see your colors used to shine very bright, but they are currently grey. I know you often feel like you can not move forward in your life. You may often feel confused, this all is connected to a dark energy block that is on you. I do not know if this is something that has been passed down with in your family, if someone placed it on you, or if you were just in the wrong place at the wrong time, but, until you get this worked on, love will never stick to you, good things will not come to you, and you will be unable to move forward.”

Hearing this from the psychic, whom I had already came to trust, gave me several mixed emotions. Mostly though, I felt relief. All this time, it wasn’t me doing something wrong in life, all the bad was being caused by this inanimate object attached to me. Everything she said to me made everything else all make sense. She told me that she could do a few things to work on this dark energy. Cleanse my aura. Realign my Chakras.  Do some crystal work, and lots of prayer work. I was very intrigued by this and figured even if she was a scammer it would be a neat experience. So I went back to see here again.

In this next session, she started out by telling me that she had done some researching and she had good and bad news. Good news: this darkness was not placed on me by God and it was fixable. Bad news: this negative entity was much more evil and dark than first anticipated. She had me hold her hands and repeat line for line a prayer. Then as homework, she asked me to out outside and pick nine leaves. Then to find an envelope and write my full name nine times on it, and also both my kids, just in case I passed this darkness to them. She said to place the nine leaves into the envelope and seal it. She said when I went to bed to place the envelope under my mattress and when I woke to take it out, and to repeat this. She said to record any dreams I had during this process. Significance: the number nine is the opposite of the number 6 which represents the devil. The leaves represent life. She said by during this ritual it would help to realign how life and help put it as it should be.

So, as you know… I’m a Pisces. I have very little follow through. For one reason or another I stopped going to see her. Maybe I talked myself into thinking she really was a scam and I didn’t need fixing. I kind of thought if I prayed every single night for God to show me my path, that my life would start to move, but it’s not. Honestly I’m starting to worry more & more each day that I do need her, or some kind of spiritual help?

Maybe I should get a second opinion? All I know if I defiantly need help with this. I have all the necessary essentials for success, but I just can’t figure out how to use them? I’ll let you know when something changes !