Tag Archives: opinion

Don’t get CUT!

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We like someone because, we love someone although.
–Henri de Montherlant

Families are like scissors. They are joined in the middle but often spread wide apart, moving away from each other. When we’re not feeling close to other family members – when it’s hard even to like them – it seems as though we’ll never come together again.

But pity the scrap of paper that comes between our scissor blades! The scissors works together again and slices the trouble clean. When trouble threatens our family, we can slice it through if we move together in love and acceptance.

No matter our small differences, we are part of the same living organism, in a way. The family we live in has been together for many generations, and we are just the most recent members. When we look at one another, we see the products of centuries of love.

When I feel distant from my family, can I locate where we are still joined together?

Isn’t that so true? No matter what happens within families, no matter argument or action: more times than not we eventually are able to forgive and pull back together. I have been seeing this a lot in my life more recently.

Sometimes my brother and I fight, not like bicker about little things but full blown screaming matching filled with unforgettable word daggers. Every time this happens I always tell myself that I’m sick of feeling hurt. That he really doesn’t care or love me and I should cut off all ties. But, even though these thoughts occasionally linger in my heart, within a few days we are right back where we started. No matter our differences of opinion, how we choose to live life, or how we show affection: he is and always will be my brother, and somehow the fact that he can’t change that… is comforting to me.

My father wasn’t around much growing up. Randomly he would pop up but just as fast as he came, he was gone again. I don’t think I ever felt too much anger or resentment toward him, however I just didn’t want much to do with him I eventually became conditioned to just not feel anything in regards to him. Today he and his lovely new wife are coming to visit us, for the second time. While I will never forget my Father’s absence or false hope, I harbor no ill will and look forward to the future because he is and always will be my Dad.

These are just examples of blades split apart for my family scissors, but the bolt or joint in the scissors has always been my Mom. I say this for a couple reasons. In one way she’s the joint because through all the f’d up stuff I’ve been through she has always, always been there to ground me. She’s always been right there to catch me when I fall and she’s always been such a good best friend to keep us connected. In a whole different way my Mom is the joint in our family scissors because the way she chose to raise me, the examples she set for me gave me the ability to easily love unconditionally. She taught me how to forgive and move forward. She raised me to be a good, kind, caring person and all that ultimately gives me the tools I need to connect to all my other family. Because of the person she taught me to be soon I will be able the be the joint. I’ll be the one who holds everyone together.

I wrote a blog awhile back called “A simple recipe for happiness” within that blog I talk about Worshiping your support system. Well remember this: Even if at this very moment you and your brother are not speaking and haven’t in a year…He is still your brother and if you can find the place where you once met, he will in the future be your support system.

Friends and lovers will come and go, but blood is blood. I challenge you to think about your family (your support system) and find the place where you once met. It’s worth it!!!

 

Just a Stupid Girl.

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There are many things I would consider myself good at. Many things I know about. Some that know me, may even call me wise, but when it comes to matters of the heart: mars/ Venus relations….I am nothing more than just a stupid girl.

I recently wrote a blog called “The Invisible Man plan” talking about how I had created a relationship with a dating website called Plenty of Fish. As if that realization wasn’t hard enough on my ego, there was a another, even more damaging realization ahead.

See, to be completely honest with you I could almost consider myself a promiscuous woman. It’s not that I go out looking for one night stands or sleep around with people I don’t know, or anything of that nature. It’s not at all that I’m looking for that two minutes of pleasure, or whatever, or that I just give in easily. After careful consideration I can confidently say the underlined reason is always that I am searching for this act of intimacy to blossom into a real relationship. Seeking the one. Opening my heart. Wanting to nurture. Hold hands, grow old. This people, is exactly what makes me just a stupid girl.

Over the weekend, I was in a situation, a very uncomfortable situation I might add. I am not going into details, but the end result left me feeling very worthless. At first I was angry. I then remembered some advise I had very recently given to a good friend. I told him ” There is reason to get upset over things you can’t control. You cannot control another’s actions or feelings. You can only control how you react to them.”

God, Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change. The courage to change the things I can. And the wisdom to know the difference.”

My anger was  easily put to rest. I thought about this a lot. The first thing that brought comfort was giving up that control. I do not have control over how a man treats me. It is not my fault, and there is nothing I can do to change how that person feels about me. But more importantly, What I do have control over is not putting myself in that situation. Ever again. I’m sick of being a love sick, puppy eyed, stupid girl. I will not be anyone secret. I will not be anyone’s “special friend”. I just want to be one man’s ONLY girl, his forever girl.

So with all this power and control I have recently found… I have deleted my cyber boyfriend “Plenty of fish“. I have cut off all “special” friends, and I have put into effect again, “the 30 day rule” (For those of you who don’t know about this, it’s just like an employer, 30 days of hard work before you get any benefits). YAY! It’s been sort of lonely since I started all this change, but I would MUCH rather be lonely than hurt, and that is something that I have control over.

And having CONTROL feels really, really good!